Those 6 months (contd.)-Kitchen Misadventures-part 1

Now back to the fried eggs. Ok, I have the egg here which is fortunately in one piece otherwise Kaddu will twist Mother Nature’s rules and make me lay eggs. The tiffin, oh sorry, Teflon coated non-stick pan is on the gas oven.
What should I do next? Break the egg perhaps.
“What are you doing by merely staring at that egg? Break it and put the yolk in the pan”, Kaddu howled.
See, I an not that bad in cooking, I was also wondering the same. But the million dollar question is how to execute the above thought process. A pragmatic analysis tells me that I should knock the egg against the kitchen slab- yes, that’s it. So ready, steady GO-thack-there goes the egg against the slab. Hey but I missed a part in my thought process- the yolk. It has landed and made itself comfortable on the kitchen slab.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?” Kaddu resembles a hyena animagus when she screams at the top of her voice.
Now I ve surely didn’t commit a crime as trechearous as a murder-but yes-I actually murdered the egg.
“What have you done?I told you not to break the egg, see, yuck, you ve ruined the kitchen slab, I polished it clean just before you entered the kitchen.” Kaddu screamed, finally breaking into a diatribe.
“Ok, I …well, now will you tell me what to do next.”
“First clean this place, then get another egg- I’ll tell you how to put it n the pan. You are such a tomboyish, dung-headed , spoilsport. You cant even do such a simple task as this-what will you do after marriage,you will make your family starve……..” and the diatribe continued. This lady should join Miss Mamta Banerjee’s political party. Had she done that earlier, it wouldn’t ve taken Miss Banerjee such a long time to drive Mr Tata out of West Bengal.
“Clean the place with what?” I asked her.
“See there’s a rag near the tap.”
I found the rag alright. But I cant really make myself touch it. Its condition is thus, it could have been used to wrap a Mummy at some point of time.
“What are you waiting for?” This lady is surely going to drive me mad.
Ok ok, I am doing it. She is actually in a revenge taking mood for all the fun I had made of her before.
So finally I am ready with another egg. This time no more analysis. Its wise to consult the experienced- in this case, well supposed to be the uber-experienced.
“What shall I do now?”
“Break the egg shell by knocking it gently against the slab.”
“Ok”
“I said knock against the slab, not brush it as you are doing . if you continue doing this, the egg will break only when the chicks will come out of it.”
“Ok ok”.
Thash- I am telling you people, the yolks of this particular species of eggs have an affinity to rest on the slab, they don’t like it there on the pan, so what can I do about it. Kaddu wont stop blaming me for the debacle.
“GOOD FOR NOTHING, good for nothing, good for nothing, that’s what you are. Get out of here at this very instance. You are going to ruin my kitchen in a day.”
As if the kitchen is her property- constructed and maintained by Kaddu Pvt Ltd.
When she broke the first egg (ok in this case I will also include the second) didn’t she make the same mistake. Now if I ask her, she will lie.
“GO-I said.”
“Who is going where?” Hitler staged her re-entry on the scene of accident at a perfectly calculated moment. Had she come back a moment later, I would have escaped this torture. But no-she has to come back at this very moment and announce the extension of my torture routine.
“No one is going anywhere, Kadambari, give her some other work to do. She has to learn these things. Its not credible to be a stupid bloke who is not good for anything………….” Another diatribe continued for the next 15 minutes.
These ladies can actually try out their career in politics. Our country will go great guns. Each and every representative of the upcoming generations will look forward to becoming a great cook so that they can prevent themselves to be sent to concentration camps aka kitchen , as I am today.